Thread:Bznboy/@comment-26957288-20161008114100/@comment-5140470-20161008152051

Reading what was written on 10/8/2016, I was not interested in the story. Here's some advice for making your story more interesting.

1. Cray's plot isn't good, there's no hype given to the reader to be interested in the main story. All the nations in Planet Cray made a teleportation device by accident?

What were they trying to make and why were they making it?

How would it benefit each nation contributing to the research?

Where was the teleportation device located? (Which is where their main allies and enemies would be)

You could have written it as such.

"As the technology of Cray advanced beyond one's imagination, an experimental device causes Cray to be linked with another planet. Shortly thereafter, reports of attacks occuring throughout Cray sparks concern within many nations, causing them to assign  to investigate. As  complies all known information of the assaults, they noticed another entity who have been reported to be defending the citizens of Cray from the attacks."

2. Seeing Aichi's love for Cardfight Vanguard, I fail to see why Sam Sendou (A pretty bad name considering the culture of Aichi) would not have been taught Vanguard.

If you want to use the same route that the generic protagonist takes in Card Games, I'd suggest that Sam be completely disassosiated with any known canonical characters.

I cannot comment on any of the characters or clans as there is no information on them whatsoever.